What a Relief

The last few weeks have been pretty hard.  I've been consistent in my 70.3 training, getting in about 9 workouts, 6 days each week.

Only lost 1 freaking pound, but that's a whine-filled-rant post for another day.

My swims have been consistent.  The Master Swim workouts focus more on speedwork than long slow swims.  I'm in the slow lane, but that is mainly by choice.  I've chosen to do extra rides instead of a 3rd swim workout in a week, so I haven't progressed to a faster lane.  I'm no where near where I was when I placed 3rd in the 1650 at the State Championships when I was in college...but I get from one end of the pool to the other (repeat, repeat, repeat...) without drowning.  So that's a plus.

My runs are improving.  I started doing a run/walk interval.  I run 3 minutes and walk 1.  I'm still slower than anyone else on the Saturday runs, but my pace has been reduced by 1:00/mile in a month and I'm able to go a lot farther than before.  I did almost 8 miles on Saturday felt like I could have kept going.  I didn't even feel sore later in the day.  So that's a plus.

The biking sucks.  I'm still having issues with clipping into my pedals.  To be more accurate...the issue is remembering to UNCLIP.  When you forget to unclip, and then stop moving, gravity takes over and you fall over...in slow motion...with no ability to save yourself.  Of course this year there were already plenty of witnesses to my lack of unclipping skills.  I have a complete lack of confidence on the bike right now.  I feel like a big fat scaredy-cat on tiny thin wheels...knowing that I'm going to get run off the road, or hit a rock, blow a tire and go ass over end into a tree.  (This is what all the monotonous triathlon training does to you...gives you time to come up with worst case scenarios for potential injury or road rash.)  Although Sunday I was able to successfully change out an intertube all by myself.  So that's a plus.

This weekend is my first Tri of the season.  It's right here at the place I work.  It's a pseudo-Olympic race.  1600m in the pool; 19 miles on the bike, 10K run.  I went out on the course this weekend for the first time and found it has a couple really horrible hills.  It's a 2 loop bike course so I get to do them twice.  Oh joy!  I did 2 loops on Sunday and had to stop and walk up the hills both times.  The  worst part was the major panic attack I had on the first loop.  I was in the easiest gear but was. not. moving.  And I was still clipped in. I thought for sure I was going to fall over right then and there in the middle of the road.  I was so embarrassed.  And SO mad at myself.

I did another loop on Monday and was determined to make it up the hills this time.  Because I'm a big fat scaredy-cat on tiny thin wheels that can't unclip her shoes...I unclipped ahead of time.

The first attempt only made it 2/3 of the way up.  Instead of walking, I rode back down the hill and 1/4 mile back and tried again.

2nd time, same thing.

3rd time, I used every ounce of determination and most of the profanity in my repertoire and FINALLY made it up the hill.  I was pretty sure that I was going to bend my handlebars because I was pulling back on them so hard for leverage.  When I got to the top I thought I was going to die.  I had no energy left.

All I could think of was "How am I going to do this on Saturday with all those IronMen and Women around?  They are going to laugh at me. They are going to wonder what the hell I'm doing out there!"


On Tuesday, I over heard a few of those Iron athletes that I semi-idolize talking about Saturday's course.  And bitching about that hill. And how hard it was.  And how they struggled getting up it.


So it's not just the overweight-middle-aged-girl with self esteem issues that struggle get up the hill.  It's all of us.

I am officially cutting myself some slack.

Some other interesting and relief-inducing conversations that I have in the last week revealed that:

  • I'm not the only one that hasn't cleaned their house in a month
  • I'm not the only one who hasn't been to the grocery store in weeks
  • I'm not the only one who is neglecting their spouse
  • I'm not the only one who needs new (insert worn out gear item here) but should probably pay the electric bill first
  • I'm not the only one who needs a pedicure but would rather use the money for (insert worn out gear item here)
I read one of those motivational posters on facebook last week but can't find it now.  I don't remember who it quoted, but it said "If you want to improve, you need to surround yourself with people who are better than you are."

I've done that.  It works.

That's a relief.


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